Divorce and the New Year: 5 Resolutions That Will Make Your 2014 Better Than Ever!

This New Year should be all about new beginnings, and that should include moving forward with your ex. This is a good article about making resolutions for the new year in regards to your ex and taking control of your new situation.

For many people, the new year is a new beginning, a chance to start over. And actually, a very optimistic person might view divorce in the same way. I think divorce, as sad as it is, can also mean new opportunity, a happier life, and a more peaceful existence. So, when it comes to divorce and the new year, there are certain new year's resolutions every divorced person should consider, actions that will make 2014 your best year ever!

1. I will treat my ex with kindness and respect.
Are you rolling your eyes? Don't! Treating your ex this way is good for YOU and good for your kids. Have you ever heard anyone say, "I wish I wouldn't have been so nice?" No.

2. I will only talk about my ex in a good way in front of our kids.
When kids hear their mom or dad talk about the other in a negative way, it seriously kills them. They hate it so much. Please, call your girlfriend and use every four letter word you can about your ex if you need to, but do it in private.

3. I will stop looking at old photos of my ex until I can do it without crying.
Why are you torturing and/or punishing yourself? This is so unproductive. Do you realize how huge this earth is, and how many people are on it? Your ex is only one person and somewhere out there, there is a great guy or girl that is a better person for you. And you will meet that person if you have an open heart.

4. I will make more of an effort and keep an open mind when it comes to dating.
This is the year to say yes to blind dates, get your profile up on a dating site, and reach out to that guy who you know has an interest in you. What are you waiting for? Life goes by fast. You deserve to be happy! Start living!

5. I will take the high road, regardless of how my ex is acting.
In case your ex doesn't get around to reading this blog, and he or she is his or her same old self, acting rude, being short, saying cruel things, just let it roll off of you like rain on a plastic rain coat. If you act polite, you will never be sorry. What good does acting rude back do? Nothing but hurt your children.

6. I will stop talking about him/her to everyone who will listen.
No one wants to meet you for a beer and hear about what a bitch your ex is. They want to watch football and talk about how the Bears just blew the playoffs. And girls, no one wants to have a glass of wine while listening to you talk about the hoe your ex is seeing. Ask about HER. Ask her if she knows anyone to set you up with. So much more productive and positive!

Read more:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jackie-pilossoph/divorce-and-the-new-year-_b_4519059.html

A Second Look at the Vicious Cycle of Divorce

Sometimes children benefit more from divorce than they do from an unhappy marriage,this article talks about the benefits for the children.

I am one of those children of divorce who grew up only to get divorced myself. It is the typical sad story. But then why am I so happy?

My parents divorced when I was five. I don't recall much, other than a hazy impression of my mother arguing with my father while he was shaving and she was teasing her hair (it was the early '60s). It may have happened once, it may have happened nightly. After the divorce, life was different. On Mom's days, we rode our bikes to the Met and picnicked in the park. On Dad's days we played songs on the jukebox and sipped Shirley Temples at Allen's Bar. In some ways it was better, in some ways worse. I didn't have another life to compare it to.

As I approached adulthood, I sensed that my parents' divorce could be a serious handicap to my own future happiness. For one thing, peers and elders always reacted to my story with such fervent sympathy. It seemed increasingly clear that I would need to overcome this psycho-developmental hurdle if I wanted to have a strong and lasting relationship myself. So starting in college, I went to see a psychotherapist who talked to me about my relationships and what he first called my fear of commitment. He tried hard to help me remember feelings I had about my parents' divorce, but no more memories emerged. When, after six months I felt ready to stop, he said it was my fear of commitment surfacing, and so, to prove him wrong I stayed another year.

When I moved to the city to start my adult life, it wasn't long before a bumpy relationship sent me back to therapy. We talked about work, sibling rivalry and other identity issues but it seemed that the silent specter in the corner of the room was always my parents' divorce and how to overcome its legacy.

Four years later, my therapy had ostensibly worked. I was married to a smart, funny, charming man, with an Ivy League degree and a glamorous career. Of course, marriage had its challenges, for which the proper antidote seemed to be more therapy. I talked and talked and talked. Session after session seemed directed toward bringing up harrowing emotions from the year of the infamous split. I gamely went down the emotional rabbit hole each time, hoping to find the precious but elusive key that would unlock all the secrets. But I never had a major epiphany about my parents' divorce.

I was aware of an acutely painful longing for my father (who died five years after they split), as well as my parents' conflicting values. I also became aware that, in order to right my own family's story, I had chosen a husband who was as close to my own father as I could find. My inner ambition was to try and do one better than my own mother and keep our marriage together.

For more read:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/elise-pettus/a-second-look-at-the-vicious_b_4476163.html

Holiday gifting can be vexing for kids of divorce

Great article on how the holidays affect how children give gifts during the holidays. 

By LEANNE ITALIE, Associated Press

Updated 12:27 pm, Monday, December 23, 2013

NEW YORK (AP) — Tomi Tuel remembers a particularly vexing Christmas after her divorce. Her two kids received an Xbox as a gift and hauled it from home to home when it came time to visit their dad.

"It was a complete hassle," she said. "All the cords got unplugged and rolled up and transported along with the games. Of course parts would be left or games wanted would be left behind."

So the siblings took matters into their own hands, working and saving enough in Christmas and birthday money to buy a second one, said the Folsom, Calif., mom.

Divorce can be challenging at the holidays under the most amicable of circumstances, and gifts sometimes add another layer of frustration — for young and old.

Edwin Lyngar in Reno, Nev., has two kids from his first marriage. From his second he has two more kids and one stepson. Usually, he and his ex coordinate gifts for their two, but he recalls an unauthorized electric piano one year when his daughter, now 13, was about 5.

"Because I have primary custody, all of the presents end up at my house, and there are some really heinous things that I wish could stay." Stay at his ex's house, that is. "They're loud or annoying, but we try."

Whether gift goofs are accidental or on purpose, a little planning can go a long way, said family law attorney Alan Plevy in suburban Washington, D.C. At the top of his wish list for such families: Avoid gifting competition.

"The recession has made it difficult for some. Suddenly a task shared by two now falls on each parent. Work together so one parent doesn't 'outgift' the other," Plevy said.

And if a child gets a long-wanted treasure, don't put limits on it, "such as 'I gave you this gift so you can only use it at my house.' Children value peace over presents and they don't care about which parent gives them the most or the biggest gifts," he said.

Plevy's law partner, Kathryn Dickerson, said pleasing the kids come gift time without considering the ex can make a painful situation worse.

"The children show up at the custodial parent's house, where they're living most of the time, with a puppy," she said. If that parent had wanted a puppy, she says, "they would have gotten one."

Jeff Goldberg has been divorced for about seven years and has three kids — 11-year-old twins and a 12-year-old. The subject of where their gifts live has come up with his ex, said the Long Beach, N.Y., dad.

"I have a smaller house than she does so I like to get everything out of here," Goldberg said. "However, whenever we show up with anything, whether it's the holidays or not, it's like, 'Oh no, take that back home. If you bought it, it's staying with you.'"

For Goldberg, who has one spare room for all three kids, it's a matter of storage. "I'm kind of a neat freak so if I can't put it away somewhere, I'd rather not have it," he said.

Things have slowly worked themselves out, though, and now he realizes that having more stuff for the kids to call their own at his place gives them something to look forward to when they visit, usually every other weekend.

Tuel's kids are now 17 and 21 and estranged from their father, but when regular visits were a part of their lives, "My general rule was if it could fit in the car they could take it."

At the holidays, especially, there was no way around the stress of moving the kids and their stuff from house to house, she said. Tuel said the kids came to her for Christmas Eve and her former husband picked them up Christmas Day, with a gift haul at each location.

For more:

http://www.seattlepi.com/news/us/article/Holiday-gifting-can-be-vexing-for-kids-of-divorce-5088232.php

That Special Time of Year: Holidays Mean Waiting to Divorce

This is a wonderful article, especially for those considering divorce..

This holiday season, you are thinking: "Just one more time." 

One more time around your mother-in-law's nasty snide comments; one more draining day of yule-tide "merriment"; and one last New Year's hurrah. After the confetti settles, the weight of the relationship will be too much. In fact, the stress could do you in. So you will say "never again," and spend the next year (or more) getting divorced. And you are not alone.

The statistics overwhelmingly show that you, and many others like you, are struggling through one last marital holiday season. Every year, we in the divorce industry know that January 1 is met with a spike in divorce filings. After the tree lights come down, my phone lights up. The holidays have a special magic that no one wants to disturb. Divorce conversations are intentionally avoided, because who wants to mar this season with bad memories? Trust me: you can make it through this holiday.

Aside from being a divorce lawyer, I understand this waiting game in a personal way. I was once like you: waiting for that one last trip (because we already paid for the tickets and my parents would be so disappointed if we canceled); waiting for that year-end bonus to hit (because it will free up some of the debt and make a separation easier); wanting to have some holiday magic and waiting to see if we could save this marriage.

But what is the price-tag for holding out through the holidays? I recently watched Ash Beckham's TedX, where she talks about her coming-out-of-the-gay-closet story. But more than that, she makes the point that everyone is in a closet, whether it is telling your spouse you want a divorce, or telling a friend you are gay. "All a closet is, is a hard conversation," she says. "The experience of being in and coming out of the closet is universal. It is scary, and we hate it, but it needs to be done."

When you avoid hard conversations, you prolong the body's production of stress hormones that ultimately can lead to anxiety, depression and heart disease. According to Beckham, "When you do not have hard conversations, when you keep the truth about yourself a secret you are essentially holding a grenade. . . . And if you do not throw that grenade, it will kill you."

This time of year, not only are you being confronted by the stress of the holidays -- travel, party obligations, gifts and forced merriment -- but you are also holding a divorce grenade.

So, as the holidays approach and you wait for that fight about how much to spend on gifts or whose family you should visit first, know that you aren't alone. Know that you are like many, stuck in the holiday-induced "divorce closet," just trying to wait for the right timing.

Read more:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/morghan-leia-richardson/holiday-divorce_b_4293769.html?utm_hp_ref=divorce-advice

Using Tax Returns to Unearth Hubby's (or Wifey's) Hidden Assets

This article outlines some very valuable information for people considering divorce...

Divorces can be costly, from paying fees for lawyers or expert witnesses to appraisals of homes, businesses or other assets. The expenses soar when couples take their conflicts to the courts.

Sometimes there's an added expense -- finding hubby's (or wifey's) hidden property. Consider what happens when wives (or husbands) hire private investigators to track down assets concealed by future ex-husbands (or ex-wives). Fees to find those hidden assets can add up to many thousands of dollars, as I can confirm from my work as a tax lawyer and investigator.

One of my more memorable clients was a woman whose divorce proceedings had become horrendously prolonged and contentious. A dozen or so years ago, she shelled out $15,000 just to have a private eye tail her spouse, a medical professional and a serial philanderer. The sleuth discovered a safe deposit box rented by the husband in his aunt's name and crammed with nearly half a million in greenbacks. That $15,000 proved to be savvy spending; unearthing the concealed cash compelled the husband to increase the wife's divorce settlement. Wisely, he wanted to avoid court testimony about cash payments from patients -- information about income unreported on tax returns that the judge might routinely have passed on to the IRS.

(There was no deduction for the $15,000. Generally, the cost of a divorce is nondeductible. There's a limited exception for the part of the expenses specifically allocable to tax advice in connection with a divorce, as well as for legal fees to obtain taxable alimony.)

Not all searches for hidden assets are that dramatic -- or expensive. Fortunately, there's a no- or low-cost source of information for spouses who are compelled to litigate their divorces or for already-divorced spouses who seek to recover overdue payments of alimony or child support. And frequently the means for unearthing this information is tucked away in their file cabinets -- unbeknownst to those seeking the information. This is because still-marrieds and ex-spouses can glean a good part of what they need from the separate schedules submitted with their jointly filed federal tax returns.

Indeed, a treasure trove of names and amounts that could considerably shorten searches for hidden assets can be found in the 1040 forms, as follows.

1. Check the Schedule B: This schedule requires listing the names of mutual funds, brokerage companies, banks and other sources of dividends and interest. At the bottom of Schedule B are questions about the existence of banks and financial accounts in foreign countries or foreign trust transactions. Not everyone will have a Schedule B, however. For those whose interest or dividend income is less than $1,500, the totals for dividend and interest income are listed on the first page of Form 1040. Taxpayers with bank or other financial accounts in foreign countries and those involved in certain foreign trusts have to continue filing Schedule B, regardless of the level of dividends or interest income.

If the dividend and interest amounts aren't listed on a Schedule B, this can make it harder to find out where the investments or bank accounts are. But just listing totals of interest and dividend income reveals that an ex-husband owns assets that generate interest and dividends, at least during the year covered by the return. This, in turn, gives the spouse endeavoring to find hidden assets a starting point for her quest.

Read More:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/julian-block/using-tax-returns-to-unea_b_4450849.html?utm_hp_ref=marriage-problems

Zombie Bank Account: $888,888 Withdrawn From Dead Man Richard Palmer's Account

Very interesting article about how one family dealt with the probate of a deceased family member's bank account that wasn't properly closed.


It took an overdraft of $888,888.88 to stop one man’s zombie bank account.

Four days after Richard Palmer Sr. died at 78, his surviving family members drove to their local Bank of America branch in Moreno Valley, Calif., to close his checking account. When they left the bank July 6, they had a summary showing that the account was closed. For his son Richard Palmer Jr. and his widow, Heidi, it was the first step toward putting grief behind them and starting to move forward with their lives.

But a month later the account sprang back to life, becoming what is known as a zombie account. And it's still not dead.

Palmer and his mother were shocked to find out the retired Air Force veteran was paying hundreds a month for outstanding loans to payday lenders like Easy Money and America's Cash directly from his bank account. Those payments threatened to keep sucking money from the account indefinitely, with the potential to cause overdraft fees, other penalties and real financial liability for his surviving spouse.

The bank's policy until this week allowed checking accounts to be reactivated by electronic transactions; now, policy dictates that a closed account neither releases payments nor accepts deposits. But for the Palmers, after three weeks, 22 people and five departments, the bank account is still not actually closed because the policy went into effect after they started the closing process.

Unable to officially close the account because of outstanding debts, one Bank of America representative used the strongest weapon available to make sure money didn't enter or exit the dead man's account, while the family sorted out the debts in probate: a fake withdrawal of $888,888.88 -- almost $1 million -- an internal bank maneuver that put the account on fraud alert.

"It’s just another banking transaction and I feel horrible that my mother is caught in this," Richard Palmer said in a phone call. "There is no timeline here" for how long the account could stay in limbo.

The family's experience reveals two key banking lessons in the digital era. First, closing a checking account is more difficult than ever because account owners can have multiple automatic deposits and bill payments attached to the account. Some banks allow accounts to be reopened when automatic bills or deposits reach the account, which has been an ongoingsource of confusion and frustration for customers at many institutions.

But the Palmers' saga also reveals how hard it is for survivors to trace the financial lives of the deceased in the age of paperless financial transactions. "The unfortunate thing is that we are also finding out second life of senior citizen," said Palmer.

His father left no documentation about the payday loans in his records, the family said, which made the withdrawals not only surprising, but difficult to trace back to creditors who needed to be notified of his death. The bank has since provided contact information for the billers attached to the account.

Read more: 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/08/21/zombie-bank-account-overdraft-closed-account_n_1819697.html?utm_hp_ref=estate-planning

How To Talk With Your Adult Kids About Their Inheritance

Great article about discussing inheritance with your children...




SPECIAL FROM Next Avenue

By Lori R. Sackler

Avoid family strife down the road by holding key conversations about your estate plans -- now

"What’s the best way to tell our grown children about our estate plans without creating a family drama?"

That’s the question I’m most often asked when I tell people I’ve written a new book about money, family and communications, "The M Word: The Money Talk Every Family Needs to Have About Wealth and Their Financial Future."

It’s no wonder: More than $15 trillion will be transferred to the next generation between 2007 and 2026.

Most Family Transfers Are Flawed

Problem is, there’s a 70 percent failure rate when transferring family wealth from one generation to another -- a loss of control of assets through mismanagement, poor investments or the like, according to Roy Williams and Vic Preisser, two of the founders of the Institute for Preparing Heirs.

(MORE: Sandwich Generation: Large Gifts to Family Can Be Tricky)

Many of these failures occur because families don’t do enough to prepare their heirs for the handoff. It’s like giving your 16-year-old son the keys to your car without a driving lesson.

Being unprepared to inherit money won’t kill someone, of course, but it can certainly wreak emotional, mental and financial destruction.

The Conversations Parents Don’t Have

Unfortunately, most parents fuel rather than prevent this kind of havoc. They think: “I’d rather not talk about it” or “We’ll set up a time to chat about it later.” The “it” in these phrases is, of course, money. In far too many families, money is a dirty word, a taboo subject, what I call the M word.

But in my experience, one of the most common conflicts among family members arises when they are probating an estate that hasn’t been previously discussed.
Regardless of whether all the children will get exactly the same inheritance, if they know in advance what the will says, the parents can reduce anxiety in an already stressful situation.

Generally speaking, what you should tell your adult children about your estate ought to be guided by your family’s values and by each child’s ability to handle the information.

When One Child Has Special Circumstances

In many families with grown kids, there is one child who has issues involving money. This could be the result of his or her bad habits or perhaps a physical, mental or emotional challenge.

(MORE: 5 Steps to Creating Your Digital Estate Plan)

In that case, you might need to have a separate conversation with him or her and create a special arrangement that will work for these circumstances.

Otherwise, though, I think a balanced approach to sharing information about family wealth is the best option.

Who’ll Get the Jewelry?

It’s extremely important to have a conversation with your adult children about who will get your personal property.

That’s because one of the most contentious aspects of settling an estate can be the distribution of things like Mom’s diamond engagement ring, Dad’s collection of abstract expressionist artwork or Great-Grandma’s gold-plated china. This is just as true for items that aren’t worth much money, but have a great deal of sentimental value.

When you have this conversation, give each child a chance to talk about his or her favorite items and come to an agreement about how everything will be divided up.

(MORE: 9 Tips for Cleaning Out Your Late Parent’s Home)

Not only will these give your family members a chance to share stories and talk openly about items that mean a lot to them, it will encourage a healthy dialogue and cooperative spirit regarding estate matters. This will prove to be extremely valuable down the road.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/04/06/estate-planning-child-interitance_n_2992519.html?utm_hp_ref=estate-planning

Life Lesson from the Lottery: People Who Are Separated but Not Divorced

Good information to know if you or your family members play the lottery on a regular basis...


My wife walked into a gas station and said she was buying a lottery ticket. I told her the odds were 176,000,000 to one.

She said that if she won, she would keep me the money to herself.

I explained that if she won, half of the jackpot is mine. A winning lottery ticket is a martial asset to be split equally.

Not everyone knows that.

One of the first lottery winner's I ever got to know was the divorcing spouse of a guy who won the lottery. The divorce should have been final months earlier but he was stalling it out while arguing a minor point about child support.

I'm not sure if he got his way about the child support. I do know that she got several million dollars instead.

I'm writing a new book called, Life Lessons from the Lottery. The theme is that lottery winners have the same financial and social issues that other people have. Only their problems are magnified 1000 percent.

For those of us who follow the trials and tribulations of lottery winners, seeing a separated, but not yet divorced, couple hit the lottery has happened more than once.

This makes me think there are a lot of separated couples all over America.

Various census statistics say that two to three percent of Americans (roughly six or seven million people) who are separated but don't have their divorce final.

One of them was my late sister. She fell down a flight of stairs and died at age 46, leaving a minor child and an adult child.

She also left a husband that we did not know about.

She had been married to this man for several years, and her younger child was his. However, she had told us she had divorced him several years earlier. They didn't live together and, for most of that time, she had lived in California and he had lived in Cincinnati.

He came to her funeral, which I had arranged and paid for, and though he said hello, we didn't really talk. Two days later, he had a lawyer file papers asking that he be named the estate administrator.

After exhaustive research, it turned out my sister and her husband never filed for divorce. Thus, under Kentucky law, her husband was entitled to half of my sister's estate. My nephew and niece would split the other half. It was not a lot of money but the fight caused a riff that never healed.

My sister died shortly after my mother had. Neither had wills and I suspect my sister's spouse could have elected against a will anyway. The only solution would have been for my sister's divorce to have been finalized.

Which we thought it was.

My sister was a great example of why living separate but still married can blow up from a financial standpoint but an excellent 2010 New York Times article, titled, "The Un-Divorced" argues the opposite point.

People frequently live apart and stay married for financial reasons. It will be interesting to see if the most common reason, staying on a spouse's health insurance and employee benefit plan, will change once "Obamacare" is completely implemented.

The Times article noted one of the most famous "separated but divorced" couples, billionaire Warren Buffett and his late wife Susan. They separated in 1977, stayed that way until Susan's death in 2004. Warren lived with another woman, who he married after Susan's death and Susan often made public appearances with Buffett.

Read more:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/don-mcnay/life-lesson-from-the-lott_b_1656821.html?utm_hp_ref=estate-planning

Rhode Island Same-Sex Marriage Laws Used By Some Couples To Divorce

Great article about the divorce rates changing...

PROVIDENCE, R.I. -- While many same-sex couples married on the first day it became legal in Rhode Island, others filed for divorce.

Attorney Neville Bedford tells WPRI-TV (http://bit.ly/13AhthJ) his client was married in Massachusetts in 2008, is now living in Rhode Island doing her residency as a doctor, and didn't want to move to get divorced.

He filed her divorce paperwork in Providence Family Court on Thursday, as many other same-sex couples were at city halls, getting marriage certificates.

He says the woman and her wife separated in 2011, but couldn't divorce in Rhode Island then because the state didn't recognize their marriage. The Rhode Island Supreme Court had ruled that same-sex divorces could not be completed in the state after a Fall River, Mass., couple tried to end their marriage in 2006.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/02/rhode-island-same-sex-mar_n_3696758.html

The 7 Fatal Mistakes Divorced and Seperated Parents Make: Strategies for Raising Healthy Children of Divorce and Conflict : Shannon R. Rios

 Here is attorney Jeremy Howe's testimonial for the book mentioned above:



I have been a Family Court attorney for nearly 40 years and a Family Court mediator for 16 years. When I mediate, I co-mediate with a psycho-therapist. After reading "7 Fatal Mistakes Divorced and Separated Parents Make," my co-mediator and I decided that the strategies suggested in the book were such useful tools for clients that we wanted to "spread the information". We purchased 50 books and are currently disseminating them to counselors and attorneys. Shannon Rios understands that the key to protecting children is the ability of their parents to rise above their feelings and their positions in the best interest of their child or children. Shannon understands the suffering that children feel when their parents separate or divorce. It is this self-knowledge that separates this book from other books on the same topic. As she told me in Colorado recently at a national mediation conference, if she could save one child from suffering her great effort at producing this book will have been worth it, In my opinion, her book will serve as a guide for parents but also for professionals who must guide their clients through the divorce and separation maze.

You can purchase the book on Amazon:
http://www.amazon.com/Fatal-Mistakes-Divorced-Separated-Parents/dp/0615314953

How to Choose the Right Executor for Your Will

Good Advice article about choosing an executor for your will...

Dear Savvy Senior,

What are my options for choosing an executor for my will? I was considering asking one of my kids to do it, but I don't think any of them are up for the job. What can you tell me?

--Still Kicking

Dear Kicking,

Choosing an executor -- the person or institution you put in charge of administering your estate and carrying out your final wishes -- is one of the most important decisions you'll make when preparing a will.

Picking the right executor can help ensure the prompt, accurate distribution of your possessions with a minimum of family friction. Some of the duties required include:

• Filing court papers to start the probate process (this is generally required by law to determine the will's validity).
• Taking an inventory of everything in the estate.
• Using your estate's funds to pay bills, including taxes, funeral costs, etc.
• Handling details like terminating credit cards, and notifying banks and government agencies like Social Security and the post office of the death.
• Preparing and filing final income tax returns.
• Distributing assets to the beneficiaries named in the will.

Given all the responsibility, the ideal candidate should be someone who is honest, dependable, well-organized, good with paperwork and vigilant about meeting deadlines.

Who to Choose
Most people think first of naming a family member, especially a spouse or child, as executor. If, however, you don't have an obvious family member to choose, you may want to ask a trusted friend, but be sure to choose someone in good health or younger than you who will likely be around after you're gone.

Also, if your executor of choice happens to live in another state, you'll need to check your state's law to see if it imposes any special requirements. Some states require an out-of-state executor to be a family member or a beneficiary, some require a bond to protect your heirs in case of mismanagement and some require the appointment of an in-state agent.

Read More:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jim-t-miller/how-to-choose-the-right-e_b_3625961.html

Why Where You Divorce Matters: Equitable Distribution vs. Community Property

Knowing your state's laws before divorcing is very important. This article outlines what you need to know about your state laws.

Where you divorce matters. Each state has its own unique rules governing the allocation of assets during the divorce process, and these rules can vary significantly. A court in New York and a court in California will follow strikingly different rules in dividing the assets of divorcing couples. This sharp divergence between state laws is somewhat unusual -- in other areas, such as business law, the laws of each state tend to conform to a single norm.

Equitable Distribution States

Most states use a set of rules called "equitable distribution" to divide a couple's assets. When a court follows equitable distribution rules, it divides assets between the couple fairly, in light of the couple's circumstances. The equitable distribution standard is very loose, and invests considerable power in the judge.

Judges in equitable distribution states generally consider a number of different factors when they divide a couple's assets. Typically, they consider the ability of each spouse to support him or herself after the divorce. In particular, if a spouse has forgone career opportunities to raise children, that spouse will often receive a greater share of assets.

Courts also consider the duration of a marriage. If the couple's marriage only survived a short time, the court may prove reluctant to give one spouse money earned by the other. Courts also consider the age, general health and vocational training of each spouse. Some courts consider the amount of alimony and child support paid by a partner in deciding if an award of additional marital property is warranted. Some states have rules preventing a judge from using equitable distribution principles to drive a party into poverty. Some states also urge judges to award each spouse at least one-third of the marital property.

Community Property States

In a minority of states, judges apply "community property" rules when they divide a divorcing couple's assets. In these states, judges simply divide the couple's joint assets in half. This makes for a quick and clean division of marital property. Judges do not attempt to divide assets fairly, so they do not consider the employment prospects, age or health of either party.

Of course, judges in community property states consider a party's age and employment prospects when they award alimony and child support. In a community property state, a spouse that stayed home and cared for the children may receive extremely generous alimony and child support payments. Some community property states have extremely generous alimony laws.

There are only nine community property states. California and Texas both follow community property rules. Other western states, such as Nevada and Idaho, also follow community property rules.

Read more:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/david-centeno/why-where-you-divorce-mat_b_3824647.html?utm_hp_ref=divorce-laws

Lessons We Can Learn from High-Profile Divorces

In the wake of the ongoing Rupert and Wendi Murdoch divorce proceedings, those of us who don’t necessarily have billions at stake may be able to gain some useful insight from the Murdoch divorce.

Insight #1: The Murdoch’s apparently had both a prenuptial and post-nuptial agreement.  Generally, a post-nuptial agreement trumps the prenuptial agreement and makes the division of assets cleaner.

Insight #2:  Dividing assets between spouses is rarely as simple as deciding to split it 50-50 — or even 60-40. A lot depends on what kinds of assets are involved.

Insight #3:  The care of any young children should, of course, be the primary concern of the divorcing parents.  To help with the financial part, many states have set up criteria that put a value on each child.

Insight #4:  For all but the wealthiest people, fees paid to lawyers, accountants, appraisers and other advisers can reduce what the spouse with less is fighting for.  A cooperative divorce or a mediated divorce can often cost 15 percent of the cost of one that dragged on or went to trial.

For info about what we do go to http://www.counselfirst.com/divorce_annulment_ri.php

To read more about tips learned from the Murdoch divorce, click on the following link:

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/08/10/your-money/from-a-divorce-in-the-affluent-class-lessons-for-all.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0